Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Cleansing Cry

Yesterday I had my first physiotherapy appt. It was an incredible way to spend 90 minutes and I feel more confident about starting to regain control of my own foot!  My therapist is so knowledgeable and experienced it was impossible not to feel confident about my future mobility.

However today I have been overwhelmed trying to learn to use several new appliances.  I have a walker without wheels, a walker with 2 wheels, a walker with 4 wheels, and a bath bench which I was told would happily revolutionize my life until I can stand in the shower again.  Yeah...........right.........how to make using this blasted bench a happy experience is going to take some creativity and practise.

I used it this morning........what I know is this:  instead of happy independence of being able to sponge bath whether or not Dell is home, we are now both stuck as I require his presence to keep myself from being injured and to clean up the water all over the bathroom floor, to find a place to put my glasses and return them to my face as I can't reach any of the safe places myself, to keep me from falling as I lower myself onto the unsecured bench, and to pass me down the shower head as I can't reach it without losing my balance on the sloping tub floor.  There is no shut off position on the shower head so I have to hold it between my knees to keep it from spraying all over while soaping up.  As it was there was water all over the floor.  Sigh..... It is going to take some practise for me to find anything happy about a bath bench!!  BUT it is wonderful for washing my hair. AND I will get used to it and find better ways to keep the water from going around the shower curtain.  In the process of getting my daygown on afterward I got it twisted and when I pulled it down I put a big tear in it....the brand new lovely daygown my husband bought me after I fell to cheer me up and say he loves me.

That did it........the huge torrent of tears came at last after shedding so few since the fall.  Finally something released the hidden stress and I cried for a full 5 minutes. Dell was so patient and good about it, so understanding and encouraging to get it all out.  So, I did and I feel great again, but without the hidden tension going on underneath.  I am not a crier but it was so good to let it out. Who'd a thunk it?  I could get into this..............well, maybe not, but at least I won't be so afraid to cry again if the mood takes me sometime.  It felt good and now I feel ready to get going on all my midday exercises and do some more practising with those walkers. Thank you Lord for emotions and for cleansing tears.


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