Well, the big decision has been made and executed. It was painful and difficult, but it was received by some of the people effected with great grace and understanding. I went to sleep last night with a big burden rolled away.
As seems inevitable though, after the adrenalin high of working through all the reasons for a decision to their conclusions, today I feel like a deflated balloon that has been run over by a Mac truck!
My husband's family calls this state of mind being "pessy". What a great "word"! It so sums up that combination of being unable to decide what I want and don't want today, and hating my own choices no matter what they are. I couldn't even decide what to make for lunch. (Yes, I'm cooking sometimes again.....don't know how I feel about that either today!!) Felt like I was starving but nothing in the food department appealed to me. Every decision I have to make today, even what to eat for lunch, makes me feel crabby and blah both at the same time. Today it didn't improve matters that what I chose for lunch didn't taste very good and involved a pita when I am trying so hard to stay away from wheat products. Lesson learned though: stay away from whole wheat pitas as they are doughy and disgusting.
"Pessy", that's how I feel: "pessy"!! What to wear today? I don't know. This or that. Not this or that. Just something..... Somebody else choose for me.....but it will still be the wrong thing. Because I am feeling "pessy"!!
This happens always after a time of stress over big life changing decisions. Once the big decision is made I feel resentful for the next 24 hours that I have to make any more decisions at all. The big decision drains all the life out of me. Don't want to think or plan or do diddlysquat for at least a day.
But life continues. In a few minutes I will go over to the office and assist my dear husband with some overdue paperwork and by the end of the afternoon harmony in my heart and head will have been restored.
I know the pattern and the end result is always a return to joy. Fortunately "pessy" is never more than a glitch for a few hours now and then. Thank goodness. I don't like feeling "pessy"...except maybe I do today....or maybe I don't....because.....it is just a "pessy" kind of day!