Thursday, August 30, 2012

Mom's Ongoing Battle

And so Mom continues to hang in that limbo between life and death.  Yesterday was a terrible day for her, so much fear, physical pain, and both exacerbated by an unexpected visitor in the afternoon when we were all over at the apt. packing everything up; a loud, blithering visitor who upset mom with every visit over the past years.  Who goes into a palliative care room without permission from the family anyway? It was an awful day for Mom.  We hoped her battle could end during the night but she is still with us and still in pain and fear.  

On the positive side we did get almost the entire apt. packed up yesterday.  Bags of garbage were hauled to the big bins, boxes of old tapes and CD's and books will meet the same fate today.  All the dishes from kitchen and dining room, ornaments, wall art and clothes are ready to be delivered today to the thrift store. Health aides are all cleaned and prepared for a return to the Red Cross.  It was a very tough day for my sister-in-law and husband of course.  I felt good being able to be the practical one who got a chance to truly do something useful to help out.  Just sitting isn't my best ability in these situations and I need some time to do helpful work that others can't face doing.  Packing and dumping was cathartic.  It is how I best deal with my own grief.

In other news.........wait a minute...there isn't any other news.  When a family member is dying the universe is suspended, confined to a tiny palliative care unit other than the occasional foray out for food, and in this case mom's apt. for packing.  You are sort of aware that the rest of the world is going about their business but it has no meaning.  Nothing matters beyond the need of the one who is dying.  It is a different plane of existence during the death process.  The understanding, prayers and condolences from so many friends has been life sustaining for the rest of us as we attempt to assist in ushering mom into a world without pain and fear.


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