I found the following several years ago before I was married to a priest. I believe there is supposed to be some degree of humour in the following, but there is also a lot of bitterness. My prayer is that I would never be in a position that would tempt me to want to write the following letter to anyone in a church congregation, and once again I have to pause and give thanks for the congregations my husband presently serves because they are so kind to us! Apparently the author of the letter below did not have our experience. When I read it I was led to consider not only my present position as a pastoral spouse but also to consider my own treatment (past and present) of the pastor.
My husband is your minister, not your slave.
My husband's job is to please God, not you.
My husband is a good man and does not deserve your judgmental diatribes.
Why can't you see the way you make him suffer?
My kind-hearted husband has been reduced to weeping because of your sharp tongue.
Why do you feel the need to constantly "correct" me?
Who gave you permission to appoint yourself my judge?
If I spoke to you or your husband the way you speak to us you would be devastated and we would be fired.
Why can't WE fire YOU?
If I treated your children the way you treat mine there would be a public outcry against me and you would pummel me into the ground.
Why does no one cry out on behalf of MY children? Why can I not protect my children from you without recrimination?
You are cruel to others in our midst as well. You have destroyed lives. Your husband does your bidding.
And yet no one is willing to stand up to you.
They are afraid of you.
You pretend to love God.
You pretend to be Spiritual.
What you really love is control.
You should be ashamed and yet you feel self-righteous.
Why does my honesty threaten you?
Admitting to imperfection does not make me a bad Christian. It makes me human.
I have been trying for years to be kind to you; to be gracious in spite of how you hurt us continually.
I have embraced your children and refused to blame them for your mistakes.
I have tried to love you like I KNOW Jesus loves you.
And as a reward we have to leave our home, our job, our friends.
Because of you we have to find a new place to live and work.
We have to go somewhere away from here to give ourselves a chance to heal from the wounds you have inflicted.
Why is one bitter person allowed to determine so much of my future?
Your minister's wife"