Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Slippery as Eels

Lately I have been providing my husband with no end of amusement when in the process of attempting to take my daily medications.  Either my fingers have lost all their grip or else pharmaceutical companies are making those darned little pills to be a lot more slippery than they used to be.

Yesterday I tried to take my once weekly pill for osteoporsis.  It is oblong rather than round, so that should make it easier to hang onto, right?  Not in this case.  By the time I finally got the pill into my mouth to be swallowed it had taken trips to the top of my desk, down under the computer keyboard, my office carpet and then it played hide and seek in my office garbage bin, which fortunately had just been emptied and disinfected. Sigh..... Fortunately, since washing pills off is an invitation to dissolve them between my fingers, I have a strong stomach and don't worry if there is a bit of dust or lint left on them after rubbing them on my pant leg after pills have gone on personal adventures between the leaving of the pill box and their eventual arrival in my digestive system.

Lunch time meds were no more accommodating.  I had them wrapped in a clean piece of tissue in my wallet so I wouldn't have to go through my luggage to find them mid-journey.  I was having a snack in the car and thought it would be fine taking them there.  First of all I managed to tear the tissue as I was removing the little bundle from my purse.  One of the pills bounced out and fell into the depths of my purse but I was able to locate it before it got dirty.  Then I dropped it into my open wallet, into my change purse filled with coins who have all been touched by who knows who, who knows where.  I wiped it off with the edge of the tissue and decided to risk it.  But then I dropped it again on to the floor of the car right by my feet. Sigh.... This time I spit on it a bit and brushed it with the hem of my shirt, ignoring the bit of white streak it left on the fabric, and managed to swallow it down.

At dinner a pill escaped me once again and fell on the restaurant table top.  Eek!  My husband didn't realize it had fallen, thought I had put it there myself rather thoughtlessly, so he grabbed it and put it on the napkin by my plate....THEN asked me if I had any hand cleaner in my purse he could use.  Thanks for your assistance honey...greeeeaaat....  I closed my eyes and swished it down my throat with some luke warm water from my blotchy looking glass.  I figured by the look of the glasses and utensils at our table that we were doomed to contract some fatal disease anyway so might as well ingest that blasted pill.

This morning at breakfast I managed to keep my pills clean and deposit them on my clean breakfast plate to take after eating.  When that time came I took them...one..two.......where was number three??  It wasn't stuck to my fingers, it wasn't on the floor or the table top or under the coffee maker or under the edge of anyone's plate.  I was completely bamboozled until I heard my husband giggle and saw him point at the orange segment I was about to pick up to eat.  There was the third pill stuck to the side of the orange.....Sigh.....

Today my husband and I are not eating lunch together.  He will miss his usual noon time entertainment watching his wife trying to take her pills.  My friend who is dining with me will have that pleasure today.  It will also be her laughter I will hear when I inevitably spill food on myself during our meal.  

I had better go now.  I have to wash the curry stains out of the blouse I was wearing at dinner last night.  Sigh..... Oh, that it was just the dropping of pills that presented a meal time disaster......

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