Thursday, October 31, 2013

Crappy....Um....I Mean Happy Hallowe'en

My least favourite celebration each year is once again upon me:  Hallowe'en.

I resent being held hostage financially, time-wise and socially to a bunch of sugar addicted kids who will egg my house and break the windows on my church next door if I don't stay with the programme and hand out all manner of expensive, tooth rotting sugary garbage foods while stuck all evening sitting by my own front door. I tried to opt out last year and eggs and shattered glass are what it earned me.

It isn't the kids' faults.  It is the crazy parents, candy retailers and advertisers who put them up to this kind of entitlement each Oct. 31; and admittedly there is nothing cuter than a 3 year old blonde, curly haired, bottle bottomed glasses wearing Cinderella Princess pounding on my door with her teeny fists and squeaking out a confused but proud "Trick or treat....?"  Downright adorable is what such wee ones are.

However, I truly detest this night.  Yes, yes, I know I could just shut off the lights and sit here in the dark hoping to go undetected except as one of the local party poopers who doesn't want to cough up the twenty dollars plus to create more prepubescent dental patients for our town, but as a minister's wife I can't really afford to be seen as any kind of Hallowe'en Scrooge in a town this tiny.  I just resent having to spend money on such nonsense and under fear of retaliation if I don't "play nice".

I am hoping that the boxes of raisins I am giving out will be news spread far and wide by the 5 kids who showed up at my door at 3:45pm!!!  THREE FOURTY-FIVE!  I know this is the province where the Hallowe'en decorations will come down tomorrow morning and by 6pm tomorrow evening will be replaced with Christmas decorations, but come on....3:45pm all ready???  I barely had the raisin boxes out of the cupboard....I thought I had time to get downtown to the mail before this silliness began for another Oct. 31st.  Nope...not a chance. (It is now 4:15pm and I have had 9 kids all ready.  Hopefully it means they will be back at home before dark enjoying their sickeningly sweet bounty from the safety of their own bedrooms.)

Yeah, that's right kiddies...there ya' go....a big box of healthy, unsugared raisins to get your Hallowe'en night adrenalin pumping!  And if I run out of raisins you will then get unsweetened fruit bars instead.  Natural fruit is as sweet as it gets around here.  

Crazy parents, candy retailers and advertisers....deal with it!!  Next year I am going to be out of town on Oct. 31!  Egg away....I won't care...just don't shatter any glass and it is all good.

1 comment:

chris e. said...

One year when I was a kid we ran out of candy so my mother gave out the only other thing she had on hand--tiny boxes of raisins. They were such a hit, many of the kids sat down on the steps to feast right then and there.
I always enjoyed Hallowe'en just because it was an 'optional' occasion: no one really got down on you if you decided to opt out of the candy distribution. However, that seems to be changing with more and more houses decorated and the whole thing getting more ghoulish by the year, so I am beginning to resent it myself.
We handed out invites to the church's kids night along with the candy for a few years and got quite a few kids out, our reasoning being if half the neighbourhood was coming to our door we may as well do some evangelizing. So maybe the holiday can be turned to good use.