Lately I have been looking at what goes on in my daily life and wondering what my purpose has been over the past 4 years since we arrived in our present location. At different times of life people can be more or less aware of whether or not they are achieving any sort of significant purpose for being.
I am at a stage where I am somewhat unsure if I am doing anything useful for anyone around me in the area of spirit. There are a number of people who live in other places who continue to share their personal spiritual gifts with me and who receive mine as well, but locally I have been feeling somewhat shelved in terms of what I am used to offering to and receiving from other people. So, I have been exploring other ways of feeling useful and not coming up with a lot.
I believe there are times when God puts us in circumstances that are meant more for rest and reflection and personal change than for active ministry and I believe I have been in that place for the past few years. It has been a time to sort out some personal things, get my health back in order and come to terms with some of the stresses of my husband's ministry. In many ways it has been very good. Lately though I have been getting the nudge to move back into more ministry with actual living beings more than just via email and telephone calls.
So that has been part of the frustration of late: attempting to make that happen and seeing no results. After nearly 4 years of prayer and making attempts to minister with my own particular gifts here where I live and seeing nothing develop, I am going to attempt a step of faith in the spring and possibly again in the early fall. My husband thinks I need to obey a nagging call to return temporarily to our last place of residence and complete some mission types of assignments I was given there.
So, since he came up with that idea for me I have found a "free" place to live there for a few weeks and have all ready been invited to participate in some mission and church activities in the area. The response from those who I most trust to pray for and to counsel me has been only positive. I have chosen 2 times of the year when my husband is the least busy (relatively speaking), am all ready doing meal planning so that I can leave him with a freezer full of cooked meals, will prepare a month's worth of clean laundry for him and leave a very clean house. It isn't so many hours away that I can't return home at any time.
Of course none of this may be able to happen for one reason or another, but feeling the freedom to plan again, to work on some ministry and spiritual gifting opportunities for myself that are wanted and well received elsewhere, planning this for the near future, is very freeing. A couple of extended breaks will also help me get through next winter out here on the bald headed prairies better than I have this past two winters when I was stuck in the house with various health issues.
Whether or not things turn out as predicted it is wonderful to have the ability to plan ahead restored after a very confusing and bleak period of time. I have accepted the way things have been for the past few years but it is time to move ahead with some other ideas now. It is time to spend a few weeks once again with people who are interested in participating with me in the things of the spirit. Perhaps a couple of extended breaks will help me also discover more purpose in my being here after I get home again.
I am excited to see what happens in the future. My husband recently received a bit of a "promotion in rank" that will bring opportunities for further ministry and personal fulfillment of his calling. He wants that same joy for me and we are hoping that this idea will accomplish it.
Time will tell........however this idea does or doesn't work out, it is so grand to feel excitement again about the future.