Recently some parishioners went house sitting in southern California. They had a great time and I am very happy for them to have spent some of our own coldest days of early spring in a much warmer climate with prettier scenery.
They returned bearing a lovely gift for ME! They found a chocolatier there, one of my favourites actually, selling a lovely collection of "no sugar added" chocolates, thought of me and brought me a box for a treat. Technically I really should't eat anything with alcohol sugars any too often, but occasionally they could be part of a yummy snack. I was terrified to even try them. What if one bite initiated a return of my sugar cravings....the ones I had all my life, well before the onset of diabetes??
When I got home I took the lid off the box and stared at the glorious array of candies in the box. I checked the ingredients listings and the nutritional value label. 2 candies would give me 1 carbohydrate serving and not all the carbs were comprised of sugar alcohols. I could actually have one snack of these chocolates. I hemmed and hawed and put the box away for awhile, but I felt very guilty for being afraid to even try them after our parishioners were so thoughful and generous.
So, when the next snack time possibility rolled around I selected 2 chocolates and spent the next 5 minutes savouring those delicious flavours of double chocolate mint and peanut butter and cream. O my goodness, they were delightful. This was the first time to truly feast on any sort of sweet sugary tasting food in the past 5 months. As soon as I was done eating I started to panic. What if I couldn't wait a few more days until I could snack on these again? What if I went crazy and just popped the rest of them into my body like I would have a few months ago? What if I lost all control and pushed my blood sugar up into the danger zone?
After about a minute of the sheer terror that accompanies the "O dear Lord in heaven, what have I just done??" events of life, I had a sudden revelation: as much as I had enjoyed my 2 chocolates, I had no desire, no craving, no sudden irresistible impulse to ingest any more of them. I looked at the remainder of the chocolates in the box and felt no problem of temptation.
I felt FREE! I knew I didn't want any more of them. What a marvellous shock! For the first time in my life I have self-control when it comes to chocolates!!
So, with great gratitude, I picked out 4 more chocolates for other times and gave my husband the rest of the box of goodies. One day soon I will have another 2 chocolates at snack time, but for now they are wrapped up in my office desk drawer. In the past 48 hours or so, this is the first time I even thought of them again. I look forward to having more of them at some point later this week, but thoughts of sweet chocolates are not taking over my mind and creating any yearnings for treats.
Wow......who knew self-control was possible for me? Thank you Lord! To be honest I can't even recall the sweetness in my mouth the way I always could before. What a relief! There is hope!
Now if I could just stop having occasional thoughts of cheeseburgers with bacon......