Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Holiday Thoughts

I am sitting in my hotel just taking it easy this morning.  There will be lots of time to do my few errands today.

Today I woke up with a few thoughts rolling about in my head:

-I went into the city yesterday to see my parents and can see my dad slipping with his health.  Mom is beginning to realize he may be heading for another health crisis. Dad is determined he is going to prepare his own meds every day and bawls mom out if she tries to help him, but he makes so many mistakes and doesn't really care about it. He told me he is tired of living this way and knows life is not going to improve.  Dad has regained a foothold on Planet Reality and isn't happy with what he sees in his future.  I had to think about his situation and whether or not he should have the right to continue to take care of his own meds etc.  My thoughts are along the line that if he has lived as long as he cares to in his present condition, knowing things will continue to get worse, then he should be allowed to do as he chooses for his own future.  Mom is a nervous wreck trying to keep an eye on him and trying to care for him and it is wearing them both down even faster. She and I had planned a trip to see her sister in the autumn and dad agreed, grudgingly, to go to hospice care for 3 days to accommodate her travels.  She has now decided she can't leave him because of the freak out meltdown he will have if he actually  has to go into care for a few days. thought is that some things never change.  Once a bully always a bully and once a doormat always a doormat. But I know if anything happened to Dad while Mom and I are away she would blame herself. My parents are in a sad situation and there isn't a thing I can do about it right now.  So, here we all sit awaiting the next crisis with dad's health and I am wondering if it isn't going to be mom that has the crisis.

-I had a time of "mending fences" here with an old friend yesterday as well.  It was lovely and a tribute to the truth of Matthew 18's instructions on how to deal with problems in relationships.  I don't know why we Christians find it so difficult to attempt to follow these biblical commands for broken relationships, but I do know that the times I have been involved in such things have ended with healing and grace and restoration when those instructions have been followed.  What peace is mine knowing that a great friend has been restored to my life and I to hers.

-Last night I sat down and wrote out a list of other people I know in this area that I could contact.  They would be happy enough to hear from me, I am sure.  I decided to start making a few phone calls but couldn't seem to get started.  Every time I tried to pick up the phone I felt like it was the wrong thing to do.  As I prayed about it a thought came to me that perhaps this town and many of the old friends here fall into a time and season of my life that it is now time to move on from. Knowing when things should be left behind is a gift I need to better cultivate.  Seeing my old highschool friend and remembering our discussion left me hungering for more contact with people I can relate to at a deeper level, socially, culturally, mentally and spiritually.  As I look back on our years in this town where I am currently ensconced in luxurious accommodation, I have to be honest enough to admit that the only people here that I relate to on a deeper level are the ones presently away on their own holidays.  It is no slight to the other people I haven't called, just a recognition that as I get older I feel a greater need to gravitate toward people I can understand and who seem to understand me as well.  I realized as well this is why I so often return to friends in our last city of residence in Saskatchewan, the city where my husband was led into Anglican ordination.  There are many friends there that I do relate to well and it is not a struggle to talk and share.  I have to do some more thinking about this issue and why it has become an issue at this time.

-Today I have errands to run and am looking forward to a long walk around the town in the process.  While I could be tempted to feel a bit lonely here today, at the same time I am pleased to be unencumbered by visiting committments so that I can set my own schedule for the day.  Dinner tonight with my husband's hiking  buddy and his wife, as well as the other friends I saw my first day here.  It will be a nice way to end my stay.

-I woke up at 5am thinking about some travel plans we may make in the autumn and felt so happy.  I all ready have a trip booked for the end of Sept. that will include many good friends for an entire week and my husband will be able to spend part of that time with me as well.  Now we have another trip in the fledgling stage for later on in the fall and if it works out I will be ecstatic.  My thought is that I can keep going in most any situation if I have an upcoming trip to look forward to.  Living where we currently live has forced me over the past five years into becoming more of a homebody, so it is good to know that my spirit of adventure is not completely dead.

-It is more than a mere thought that I MUST get my diet and exercise plan back on track tomorrow when we get home.  Fortunately the lawn will need a mowing first thing the next morning and that will help me set the pace for the coming weeks.  Aiiii yiiiii...I feel like a beached whale after all the car riding and restaurant meals.  My A1C at the end of the month will reflect this and I will lose my "gold star" rating with my GP.  Sigh.....  My thought is that I put insufficient thought into my health as soon as holidays started.  Eek!!

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