Saturday, December 19, 2015

I Sure Know How To Pick 'Em.....NOT!!

The past couple of days have not been great in the details...the amazing answers to several prayers have been nothing short of shockingly delightful, but the daily tasks have shown need of improvement.

As I was making my lunch in between laundry loads a couple of days ago I managed, within the space of 10 minutes or less, to pitch my cane accidentally down the basement stairs, drop a full basket of newly cleaned and dried laundry into a heap of dirty sweepings in the middle of basement floor, drop a container of rice pudding upside down on the kitchen floor and watch the lid split open for the contents to splatter everywhere, requiring several minutes of cleaning up, schmear chocolate pudding all over my hands, get peanut butter stuck onto the side of the hot toaster oven, nick my finger with a paring knife and break the bread bag just trying to pry the twist tie off the plastic. Sigh... 
Welcome to my world.........

These little annoyances paled in comparison to yesterday's waiting in line at a grocery cashier.  Aiii yiiii yiiii....do I know how to pick the slowest lineup in the entire mega store???  O yes I do!!!  I tried to plot my path, chart my course, find the fastest moving lineup there was, all to no avail.  As I stood in the rarely moving line up at the cashier's counter I had chosen I had the thrill of watching customer after customer arrive after me at other counters and leave the store with their full bags of groceries long before I even had a chance to unload my cart.  

And why was this you may ask??  Well, I will tell you why: the ONE and ONLY lady in front of me was so busy texting on her smart phone that she had no time to unload her own cart.  

Frantic texting, frantic texting, frantic texting....unloading 2 items from her full cart.  Chuckling, chuckling, chuckling at whatever texts were coming in on her screen....unloading 3 items from her cart.  Slow, slow, slow text responses....unloading 1 item from her cart.  She was putting on quite a show, but as an audience of one I simply could not give her a good review!!  

While this little snail was ever so slowly getting her grocery items onto the conveyer belt to go to the cashier, the cashier herself was smiling broadly, looking about the store, the ceiling, the floor, her grin getting broader and goofier the longer she had to wait to run each of the lady's items through the price scanner.  By the time everything had been unloaded from that cart in front of me I had watched THREE other customers complete their transactions at the till beside me and leave the store with their purchases, while I stood still getting more p#$%*d off by the second.  As the minutes had dragged by I realized I had entered the Land of the Invisible Waiting Customers and no one, least of all these two clowns, could care less that this Marvel of Texting was holding up the line...well, me at least.  I WAS the line.  Everyone but me had been smart enough, sufficiently discerning to pass by Giggling Texting Woman and Goofylips the Cashier. Sigh....

Finally, FINALLY, the last of the woman's items was through the scanner and waiting to be bagged.  Yes, waiting...at this store you bag your own groceries as a rule, but now that the woman had at last put her "raztenfratzen" phone back into her purse, she had a huge decision to make before she could begin the task of bagging:  should she bag these groceries and take them to her car, then drive across the lot to a different grocery store to complete her shopping experience, or should she bag these groceries and take them to her car and then return to this very same grocery store to complete her shopping experience???  

The cashier seemed to think that discussing these choices ad nauseum was the perfect way to do the job for which she is being paid....perhaps she is being paid so little that checking out groceries for one customer per morning is as much as she feels she needs to accomplish to earn her pay.  Unfortunately I was the second customer in line....sigh....

A bored, yawning young man from Customer Service happened to be walking past us as this endless and meaningless discussion was taking place so he decided to join in the fun.  AAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHH!!

Lady, for #%%$*& sake, bag up the blasted groceries and take them to your &*%%^$ car and THEN decide where to buy the rest of them!!!!

Eventually she made her decision and slowly started bagging her things.  It was slow because by this time she and the cashier apparently had made the momentous decision to become BFF's, because while the cashier was at last scanning MY purchases and pushing them over into the conveyer belt farthest away from herself and Chatty Cathy, she barely had time to look at me,  or my purchases, let alone take my discount savings card, or, LORD FORBID, answer a rather pressing question I had about a price that rang into her till that was not the advertised price of the item.  When I was finally able to get her attention, 11 items later, she did correct her mistake, but by now nearly all my purchases were through.  I could get neither my cart nor myself over to the far conveyer belt to bag up because these 2 crazy women were still talking, Yappy Doodle was still slowly packing her groceries and I finally had to rudely butt in to say that I needed to get past her to bag my own.  She seemed quite surprised to see me, despite the two of us being less than ten feet apart for nearly a half hour at this point. Sigh....

She did let me past her with my cart, but then I had nowhere to put the cart because she had hers straddled across both packing lanes.  I asked if she could move her cart over to a more reasonable position, she glared at me like I had asked her to beat her children and refused.  "I will only be a minute you know.", she said. Well no, I didn't know that and as it turned out The Blabilator was also a skilled liar.  She remained in place for almost seven more minutes while I dodged around her trying to get my groceries into the bags and then into my own cart, which I had to keep moving back and forth so that the customers closest to me at another till could get THEIR carts out of the store.  O DOUBLE SIGH....

Finally I was done bagging and packing and was on my way out of the store. And where was El Blither? She was still yukking it up with the cashier while the next poor sucker was waiting in line.  Aiiii yiiii.....

I was so angry and so tired of being invisible that I hied myself over to the nearest pub for lunch.  It is a new place and eager to serve.  As a result I was not invisible there.  No I wasn't!  I had great service, wonderful food and a nice fresh slice of lime in my diet cola.  When hot sauce was requested the server brought out a BOX of over a dozen brands of hot sauce and I was able to take my pick....aaaaahhhh...feelin' better....then the sun came out like a blessing from God for putting up with the disaster at the store.  I went from being completely invisible to being pampered and spoiled by a server and by the universe itself.

The day ended up so well, (even if I didn't exactly pass this latest test in the School of the Spirit)....(I will do better next time, I will, I will!)

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