Saturday, March 19, 2016

Caution vs Paranoia

At what point does sensible precaution give way to outright paranoia?
I am questioning myself on that issue this morning. 

While it isn't yet time to start wearing the spring wardrobe, it is time to drag the totes up from the basement and pull out the warmer weather clothes for a good going over, checking to see if they still fit, if they are in good enough condition to be worn another year and to check for gaps in the lineup that require a shopping trip.

I started today with my shoes.  With my hip problem compounding the old ankle problem I decided it was a good idea to see if there are any more shoes or sandals I am not going to be able to wear this spring and summer...or maybe ever again.  

The first pair I spotted is the pair I was wearing when I fell down and broke my hip. They are excellent walking shoes, Naots, and so very comfortable.  HOWEVER, when I tried them on and took a walk around my bedroom I immediately broke into a sweat, felt so hot I thought I was going to pass out on the carpet, was overcome with dizziness and had to sit down on the bed.  I kicked the shoes off so I could put my feet up on the bedspread and within seconds everything that was wrong went completely away. Seriously, I barely had time to count to ten before I felt just fine again.  I stood up and there was no dizziness, no intense heat, no more sweating.  Whaaaaa???? Gone, just like that!

So I tried on some more shoes and sandals, took a break downstairs to do some dishes and then returned to the shoe closet to try those Naots on again.  This time I walked around upstairs with no problem, then decided to wear them downstairs.  At the top of the stairs, just as I went to take my first step down, the heat instantly returned, the sweating as well and as I turned around to go back down the hall to my room the dizziness hit me so strongly I almost didn't make it back to the bed without falling down.  Aiiii yiiiii......

I realized I was breathing like an asthmatic as I kicked off the shoes again. This time the symptoms hung around for several minutes before dissipating.  When I finally got brave enough to open my eyes I felt a bit light headed for a few seconds but was able to sit up and felt much better.

O my goodness......I looked down at the Naots tumbled down at the bottom of my bed and felt rather nauseous.  Good grief...could a quick onset panic attack be the result of paranoia developing over those shoes just because of the fall last September???

I know it is a good idea after a serious fall to assess the footwear being worn at the time and decipher how much the actual footwear had to do with it.  These Naots are quite wide across the toes, part of the reason my feet are so comfortable in them, but also it was a contributing factor when I twisted my ankle on that pebble and the wide part of the toe area on that foot got tangled behind the heel of the shoe on the leg that broke.  Because of that width the shoe wouldn't slide back out from behind the opposite heel and over I went despite my best effort to regain my balance. I literally could not pull one foot out from behind the other and I hit the ground really really hard.

Caution in the future when wearing these shoes is a great idea, but after what happened today when I put them on I am wondering if I should even bother to try wearing them again?  Am I going to be completely paranoid every time I put them on my feet?  If I can't manage to wear them down a flight of stairs without making myself ill from panic, how on earth would I overcome that to go walking outside in them?

Is it better to force myself to put them on and go for a walk to get over the paranoia or is it better to give in to the panic, get rid of the shoes and not have to worry about them tripping me up again?  When I broke my ankle it was because I was wearing boots that do not grip the ice properly.  I still wear them in the spring, summer and autumn with no problem.  Mind you, I never had the emotional reaction to those boots that I had this morning with the shoes.

The shoes are in great shape. I hadn't had them very long before I fell, so I am thinking I am going to give in to old age and paranoia and donate them to the thrift store.  I can pretty well tell that if I don't they will just sit in my closet unused.  I know myself well enough to be fairly certain I will never put them on my feet ever again.

Am I really paranoid or am I just being cautious about a pair of shoes that contributed to a serious injury during a fall?  

Thinking about my panic attack this morning I am thinking maybe I don't care what the answer to that question is.  I am thinking I will just quietly place them into the bag of clothing that is all ready partially filled for the thrift store and then take the bag to the collection bin immediately before I have time to change my mind and force myself to take the risk of wearing them again.

Cautious or paranoid?  Does it really matter?  I thought it did when I started this post but now I am not so certain.  Not falling down again is a central focus for me these days! I want to do whatever is going to contribute to my staying upright when walking and if getting rid of those shoes even contributes ONLY to my emotional relaxation when out walking, then I am going to get rid of them.

Done deal!

So glad I had this little  chat with myself.

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