Wednesday, August 17, 2016

Wuss, Wuss, Wuss!!!!!!!!!!!

So this morning, after a somewhat sleepless night due to a lot of stressful situations going on right now, I decided to take a stand and deal with a couple of the stresses!

Yup, time to DEAL!!  I have to tell someone something he is not going to want to hear and that will upset him a good lot.  I have spent several weeks now going over what I want to say, why I want to say it, have written it down several times to make sure I have my facts and feelings straight and this morning was the morning to "git 'er' done"!!  Yup, time to DEAL!!

I drove over to see that person at an appropriate place for such a discussion, I walked purposefully through the door and there was the person standing right there in front of me.  I could feel my backbone straightening itself out and stiffening and my resolve strengthening right along with it.  Yup, time to DEAL!!

Then he looked over and saw me coming into the room.  His whole face lit up like a neon sign and he beamed with joy.  "SUE!!", he hollered!  "It is so grand to see you!!"  Then he enveloped me in a big bear hug.  

I took one look at his face and my resolve died completely at that moment.  My spine turned to sponge and my intent faded away like mist on a sunny morning.  Sigh....

NOT time to deal....wuss, wuss, wuss........maybe later???

I did deal with another couple of the stresses though...well I pretty much had to after that pathetic and totally failed attempt, right?  

Yesterday when, at the encouragement of the regular office staff at one of the specialist's offices, I took in my insurance forms that need some questions answered and a signature from the prescribing physician for an Exception Drug Status medication.  The chief office manager was in some kind of tizzy all ready, or perhaps she is always that arrogant, condescending and obnoxious (did I actually write that "out loud"????) but she couldn't seem to allow me to speak a sufficient number of words to explain my presence.  She actually, after refusing to even look at my paperwork or hear me out and telling me to take them to my GP instead, waved her hands and arms at me in the universal gesture of "shoo, go away"!!!  She made me feel like a street person who had wandered in looking for a bathroom to shoot up some drugs.  It was abhorrent!  Rather than stay and try to argue with her I came home, slept badly all night, then wrote up a letter for the specialist, prepared the forms, printed up an appropriate mailing envelope and took it all to the post office this morning.  It will only delay things by a few days and at this point I am more concerned about actually being reimbursed at some point, any point, than in how fast it all happens. 

The other little hassle that kept me awake was that after our very successful eye appointments yesterday with a wonderful optometrist, for some reason the insurance application made by the office there would not go through. The computer there continued to try sending it, despite the office manager trying desperately to delete the attempts because she realized she had typed in an incorrect insurance plan number.  After it tried to send the forms 8 times a message appeared on her screen that what she was trying to send in was illegal!!  ILLEGAL????  She finally got the message to go away, typed in the correct plan number and tried again.  It sent that time, but an odd message appeared. So then she tried calling the insurance company.  The woman on the other end of the line told our gal she had no idea why it wouldn't process, so to please have us just pay the optician right there and then and send in for a reimbursement.  Sigh.......so much for any sort of budget this month.  I am so grateful to God I was actually able to write the cheque for the full amount and didn't have to put it on a credit card, but o wow....now for the second time this month I have to rebudget to make sure we don't spend money for ANY unnecessary item for the rest of the month.  It is not devastating to our lives to have to do this and then wait AGAIN for some amount of reimbursement.  It is only annoying and inconvenient, but is the sort of "small detail" stress that sends me up the wall.  The lack of sleep last night did nothing to help me just calmly fill out a set of reimbursement forms to mail out today.   

We are slowly working our way through Canada and Old Age pension forms this past couple of weeks and I have realized that for the first time in my life I have lost all ability to handle that kind of stress. Old age? Probably.  Annoying and embarrassing?  Yeah, you betcha!!  My husband also gets stressed out by such things as answering some of the seemingly ridiculous, inane or useless questions on the forms and it seems we have spent an inordinate amount of time either calling the pension plan companies on the phone or fiddling about trying to get answers for our own questions about how to answer their questions from their websites.  Nothing is easy any more for anyone it seems.  I realized this morning, in my exhaustion induced stupor, that it is time to just calm down, adopt the generally laid back attitude of the rest of this province and stop worrying about how long all these forms and research are taking.   

Confessing these kinds of stresses is cathartic for me.  I feel better just putting it all down in some kind of rational expression.  My husband says he can see what is happening, at least in part, is that I am finally working through the numbness of some past situations and getting back into life.  It is a bit of a bumpy ride as there is healing that needs to accompany the working through and that always takes a bit of time.  In the meantime I need to start living moment by stressful moment in the attitude I finally grasped at about 5am, the attitude that finally allowed me to fall asleep for a couple of hours before it was time to get up for the day: "I am protected and provided for by the Creator of the universe."  Now there is a relaxing bit of knowledge.  I am clinging to that today! 

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