Monday, January 16, 2017

I Forgot How Exhausting Chronic Pain Is

When I started my long time fight with the respiratory viruses last October, of course all that illness cut down my ability to exercise once again. Sigh.......  BUT for the past couple of weeks I have been back in my regular routine for the most part and feeling well, motivated and happy because of it.

What I forgot about during those weeks of pain free inactivity is how painful my hip continues to be, despite all the physiotherapy, the attention the surgeon gave to attempting to place the pin head on my hardware in a position least likely to bother the surrounding muscle tissue and the amount of walking and other exercise I do in a day to strengthen that whole area of my leg.  Now that I am active again, the constant discomfort and in some cases pain, are back every minute of the day and night.

Rolling over in bed at night on either side wakes me up because that hip has to complain before it gets moved into a comfortable position.  Laying on that side is becoming, if any change is continuing to happen, more painful rather than less painful.  I lost a few of the pounds I gained last winter when I was healing and now, with less fat on that hip it is more uncomfortable than ever to lie on it in bed.  

I can still feel every step I take when I am walking or doing other exercise, I can tell if I have been sitting too long in one spot...as in more than 2 minutes....and the stiffness every time I stand up has not eased up one iota. Before I became ill I was learning how to ignore the discomfort and now it is like I have to start that thought process all over again from the beginning.  Bummer!

This is not a complaint or a rant, it is just an admission that the pain has been kind of getting to me over the past week. When I was so inactive this fall it was easy to forget how the slightest movement that stresses those muscles around the hardware can create discomfort, particularly if I forget there are certain directions that hip is simply not going to move in ever again.  I am wondering how rapidly the arthritis in that hip is progressing after seeing the x-rays pre-surgery, immediately after surgery and then a year post-surgery.  It seems to be progressing more rapidly than the surgeon expected.  I am sure that isn't helping.

The surgeon was not happy about the way that hardware had to go in, but there is no way the bone immediately surrounding the wicked fracture could have sustained the weight of the hardware required for a hip replacement.  It is so weakened from the osteoporosis.  When I do need a replacement there are going to have to be some precautions and other hardware in place to make it work.  Just praying I have the opportunity to have the same wonderful surgeon when the time comes.

I guess what it is that bothers me, more than the pain and discomfort, is having to think again about every  move I make before I make it.  Going up stairs with or without a banister requires two different mental preparations to succeed without staggering about.  Walking across a carpet requires a different way of placing my feet than walking across linoleum or wood floors.  It isn't worth just forgetting about foot and leg placement because if I do then I zig when I should have zagged and give myself a good shot of pain that can be motion stopping on occasion.

I am wondering if this hip business is part of the reason I burnt out mentally so quickly with those respiratory viruses.  

So, enough of that!  This post is mostly for myself I suspect, so I can analyze a few things in regard to the ongoing hip discomfort and how it is effecting me as a whole.  It is good to get it all written down so I can read it back and think about discovering better ways to handle this than just toughing it out until things are bad enough from arthritis to require a full hip replacement sometime in the next 7 to 10 years.

Yeah.........a few things for me to consider as I try to cope more effectively with something that cannot be helped for the moment.  I was doing well before the viral infections, time to return to that sense of being able to control the pain and the ongoing tiredness it brings.

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