Friday, January 27, 2017

Oh Noah, Noah......What The H-E-Double Hockey Sticks Were You Thinking?????

This morning as I wandered across our parking lot to the office to deliver our February rent cheque I noticed a furtive swishing movement coming from under the big garbage bin near the office door.  Upon closer examination it turned out to be a very large, thick, rat tail!!!  Ooooooh YUCKKO!!!  I didn't stick around long enough to see the body of the rat because I didn't want to know if it happened to come out from under the bin and head anywhere near me!! I tossed my rent cheque in the appropriate recepticle on the office door and skeddadled back home as quickly as possible!!  I HATE RATS!!!!  What on earth was this one doing outside in the middle of winter?? Aren't these danged dangerous rodents supposed to disappear until spring? Of course the snow has covered all the rodent catchers each suite has under its basement windows, but not mine, not any more.  It has been dug out as of a half hour ago and is sitting out so that perfect access to it is now available for my fat tailed friend and its ilk!  EEK!!!!  And other appropriate expressions of fear and distaste!

Thankfully we have the old Irish Rovers folk song about the Unicorn to let us in on why exactly there are no unicorns in existence since the great flood of Noah's era!  Those dumb unicorns were so busy playing around when Noah was in the process of rounding everyone up for departure, they literally missed the boat. (okay, okay, missed the ARK!) The dumb rats made it, but not the silly unicorns!

Now my own opinion is this:  the rat infestations around the world are all Noah's fault!  He could have waited one more day to locate the unicorns and get their attention, couldn't he?  I mean, how much water could fall in one day?  Even if he was in water up to his ankles...or even his knees...could he not have taken just a bit more time to make certain the unicorns would manage to get their silly selves on board? Surely he could have calmed them down with a relaxing massage to the nape of their horns and led them from playland into the ark.  Surely he could have fit one pair of unicorns into a tight space and dropped the ugly rats overboard to fend for themselves...surely...surely......  He could have taken the opportunity to give much more serious clout to the expression, "looking like a drowned rat"!!  He could have gained many more fans among even those who don't believe in Bible stories if he had simply made the choice to keep the unicorns and eliminate the rats.

How hard a decision could that have been?  I mean, hard?

So I blame Noah for his oversight and I am not actually certain I appreciate the Irish Rovers for letting me know things could have been improved post-flood by the addition of a few unicorns. If nothing else maybe they could have skewered those rats inside the ark with their horns and used them for food....right?

O Noah, blew it with the rats vs unicorns in my humble opinion........sigh.........


Susan Erlenbach said...


Jo Anne said...

We smelled a skunk on our walk in Olds today! I feel your pain. tee hee