Today I made the teensiest decision at choir...so teensy it really isn't worth even mentioning, but if I write it down where I can read what I have decided to do it will encourage me not to back out due to acute shyness and insecurity at the last moment!
The teeny thing is volunteering to lead the choir in our pre-singing warm up time (2-5 whole minutes! haha) 2 rehearsals from now. Admittedly, hardly a decision or event worth mentioning to the rest of the world, but it is a big step for me after feeling, acting and actually for a time being sidelined from my life for a number of reasons for too many years in a row.
My confidence in "solo performance", so to speak, is gone, shot, kaput, awol, away on extended vacation and whatever else have you. I need to start restoring it. Simply being allowed to read the scriptures at church last Sunday helped me to realize I haven't lost every single ability I ever had to perform at least a small public duty. I have been feeling and thinking that way for too long.
Time to step out. 5 minutes of choir warmups may be as "big" as it ever again gets for my participation level in this or any other group, but it is something rather than nothing. It is attempting to participate in a more involved way instead of just remembering to show up every week.
Baby steps indeed......better than no steps at all....better than total inertia.