This morning I am mulling over some song lyrics from the opening number of last night's performance by Martyn Joseph.
The lyrics told me, in effect, to step away from all I am doing and allow my heart to return to what it needs, to what is truly meaningful to me. The song hit me like a sledge hammer and I am sure I completely missed what the next 2 songs were all about because I was lost in thought and prayer.
Like all good spiritual lessons, I was tested immediately on my thoughts and heart desires during the intermission. My husband was embroiled in an animated theological discussion with the woman who had been sitting next to me, leaving me free to meet and talk to the friend she brought with her.
This young woman turned out to be intensely troubled, consumed by thoughts of death, heaven, hell, forgiveness, the existence or not of God, etc. etc. etc. Long story short, she and I were able to have a very long and involved conversation about Jesus and about the love of God for her, that her sins too are covered by Christ's sacrifice and that no sin is too awful to leave her in a position of being shunned eternally by the Lord. Forgiveness in Christ, security in his love, transformation of her life by his spirit are all as available to her as they are to everyone else, if she will be willing to reach out and grasp them. We exchanged phone numbers and I hope we can get together again sometime for coffee and a chat. She is not "church ignorant". She was raised by a minister father and has attended a number of different churches sporadically as an adult, she just struggles to believe that so many good spiritual gifts can be hers to enjoy. She is grappling with the concept of dealing with an invisible God and a lack of "definites" to hang on to...full, uncompromising faith in a person or system lacking in concrete substance is a difficult struggle for her as it is for so many.
So, I do hope something that was said last night to her by either myself, my husband or her friend will assist her to find her way out of the darkness she is surrounding herself with, the fear and uncertainty that plague her.
For myself, it definitely confirmed my heart's desire to share more about Jesus with more people. I have been sitting on it for so many years because there was no place opening up for me to go to talk to new people, partly due to fear and paranoia of my own engendered by a general lack of acceptance of myself in various communities we have lived over the past few years.
Without going into too much detail, I can say it felt good to be talking openly and honestly once again about my own faith in Jesus with someone who actually needed and wanted to hear about him. I stepped away from my own combination of fear and resignation that "no one cares anyway what I have to say about anything", and let the Lord just be present. THAT made/makes my heart happy.
I can only trust that the conversational exchange last night will help this dear girl. For myself it was the dawn of a new day as far as opening up my heart again to fulfill the desires within it. For that I am grateful.