For the past few months I have been getting that little nudge from the Lord that eventually has broken through my consciousness long enough to listen to what he has to say.
What I have been "hearing' is: "why do you continue to simply settle for less?"
This question has taken me to the root of my ongoing discontent, a discontent that has been plaguing me for the past 7 years or so. After seeing some amazing and shocking answers to prayer recently about a few involvements in my life, I started taking an axe to the foundation I have built my life upon over the past decade.
So much of my unhappiness has stemmed from feeling a sense of obligation to continue in a kind of holding pattern in my spiritual and social life. It is the usual problem of doing the same thing over and over, yet expecting different results.
The Lord has always known I am the kind of person that would rather have nothing than to continue to settle for places, events and people that leave me feeling unfulfilled, irritable in myself and that I am accomplishing nothing for anyone else by continuing on.
As I have been axing out all manner of things that are just fine in themselves, but are toxic to me, I feel a wonderful sense of lightness and an easing of stress. It is almost diffcult to believe how obvious and direct the answers to my prayers about continued involvement have been.......the answers couldn't be any more clear actually. WOW!!
It will be interesting to see what new directions are on the way, but first I am taking some time out to refocus. I don't want to make the same mistakes that I have been making so consistently for so many years now.