That pretty much describes how I felt all afternoon. Thank goodness I am over that feeling before going to sleep tonight!
My Mothers' Day lunch didn't happen after all. About the time we were going to leave, my husband came downstairs looking like death warmed over and asked if it would be possible to go out for dinner instead. It took some prodding, but he finally admitted to me he had not been feeling well the entire morning. When he first woke up he took his daily vitamins but somehow managed to take a double dose of Vitamin B12. Instead of having a few minutes of flushed face and body warmth, his face had become so red he said he looked like he was going to explode and his body overheated so badly that when he started to do his exercises he nearly fainted. The overdose of Vitamin B12 dropped his blood pressure. All this was going on before he came to wake me up. I had no idea what had happened.
He also confessed he had been far more worried about his doctor's appointment and the test results he got than he had expected to be. Going to the breakfast had been a stress because he had five issues the Bishop had not yet solved that had to be solved before the fellow left later this morning on his sabbatical trip. My husband was worried that with all the people and commotion, he would miss getting the Bishop's attention long enough to solve the work related issues. Of course that did not happen. The Bishop was glad to talk to his Executive ArchDeacon and do what needed to be done. If my husband is severely overworked, how much more so the Bishop? There had been no time whatsoever previously to deal with these five problems, but the Bishop stepped away from the festivities long enough to do what had to be done. It all turned out just fine. We came home to some issues in regard to the upcoming retreat week that my husband had to solve right away and that was also an unexpected stress. By the time noon arrived his stomach was churning and he knew he wouldn't be able to eat anyway. The poor man...he needs this retreat week desperately and I am so grateful he gets it. Then he only has one more week of work before his annual holidays.
So, everything worked out just fine today for him, but we both spent the afternoon laying around doing nothing, feeling exhausted and trying to discuss our somewhat unknown and murky future plans. Wow, we have been fairly secure in life for the past few years and we both forgot just how trying it is to know changes have to come in a few months' time, but not have any idea what those changes will be. I suspect that having in our 60's to face it once again, is making the whole process more difficult.
My husband then suggested we go out for dinner instead, but I took one look at his exhausted, stomach clutching self and declined his invitation. A heavy restaurant meal and having to dress up for being out in public was the last thing he needed in my opinion, so we ate a very light dinner here. He cooked himself a batch of green tea and soba noodles with a light tomato sauce and it settled his stomach right down. I knew just how truly terrible he had been feeling all day when he opted to stay home tonight instead of going to the next lecture in a series that he has been enjoying and looking forward to for the past week.
What a relief that at about 8pm, my husband said he was feeling much better and suggested that we go for a short walk to get some air and take advantage of the breezeless, nearly insect free, warmth outside. It was lovely to get out and just wander about the neighbourhood. We dawdled along to the grocery store and picked up a couple of items, then took the longest possible route back home, enjoying the beginning of the sunset, chatting about relaxing topics, meandering about under the big trees along the route and forgetting everything but our immediate surroundings. It was absolutely lovely. We so rarely go for walks without a goal destination in mind. I really enjoyed it. We came home feeling positive and encouraged once again.
We realized that in the midst of our misery this afternoon, neither of us had bothered to suggest praying together, or to speak encouragement to each other, or to remind each other of previous acts of God that have given us hope and direction in the past. Well...DUH!!! We were certainly enjoying feeling sorry for ourselves! That isn't going to happen again for awhile! It never ceases to amaze me how quickly an attitude of "pity me!!" can arise and push the reality of God's creative and loving movement in our lives right out of our minds. Good grief! After all these years and all our experiences with God you would think we would know better! EEK!
Tomorrow is going to be a better day! We can't let ourselves sink to such lows two days in a row. Ridiculous!!!
Lord, we are trusting you to keep our minds where they belong: in the safety of thoughts about and conversations with you!!!