I Am Getting Old.....sigh.....

 This morning I am feeling what I suspect is a symptom of aging: despite having a very good time with my mom, much more fun  and easier than anticipated, plus looking forward to driving to Lethbridge today to see special friends, I really just want to go home. Although I have slept well the past couple of nights, hallelujah, I want my own bed to sleep in. I want to make my own meals and eat them in the quiet confines of my own dining room on my own time frame. I want to go for long walks on familiar territory early morning n the mornings. I want to visit with my at home friends. 

That being said, I do have other reasons. My husband did not follow through on any of our planned visits with other family members and friends here in Calgary. We did not go shopping for any of the specialty teas and spices and herbs that we were both excited to buy. My poor husband is completely exhausted. He has spent the entire week sleeping 💤 in the hotel when not helping my mom with errands. Grief over his sister’s death has steamrollered him and has reactivated his CFS. Sigh.....I am tired just from watching him be so tired. I don’t know if visiting our friends in Lethbridge is actually going to be any more fun than this Calgary leg of the trip has been, or if the plans we made with our friends there will have to be scuttled because my husband will not be up for any of it. Sigh.....I feel terrible for him. Last time we went to Lethbridge was two years ago when his stomach issues had just begun, so that trip to see these same friends was a bomb. I can only pray he can rally and enjoy this second part of our so called holiday. 

I see my husband declining even apart from the symptoms of his grieving process so I think I am starting a grieving process of my own. Age and chronic illness are making their effects known in his life and it is making me sad.

So that is the reality of this “vacation” thus far. For those of you that have indicated lately that you prefer my cheerier posts, I will get back to those once I finish processing our current circumstances. It is actually ok for Christians to process grief and unhappy life changes and not be happy clappy every moment of the day. I was so relieved when I learned that a few years ago. Yay!